It is commonly thought that the greater part of our life does not, in point of fact, get created by our efforts, but rather presents the after-effect of a set of circumstances. Country, city, origin, school, social circle, yet even education and career – it all results directly from a great number of external factors, coming as their more or less logical continuation.
But some moments make us suddenly realize that the results of such set of circumstances do not satisfy us at all – on the contrary, they restrain us and suppress the process of our self-fulfillment. Such moments indicate that there comes the time of conscious decisions and responsibility for whatever follows.
At these significant moments you finally understand that you are at the point of no return. There are only two alternatives: either you start to pave your own way, or you simply stay to live out your life, sometimes even rather well-managed, but still not your “own”.
It often happens that the first step towards self-realization is the removal to a different country. It is viewed as an act of burning one’s bridges behind him, a self-challenge or an opportunity of a total shake-up for one’s mind, soul and body.
Nastya and her husband have moved to Tbilisi, Georgia. For the husband it was rather a step towards the developing of his own tourist business in a country with great prospects, whereas for Nastya it was sheer downshifting with a radical change in her system of values, in the style and pace of her life, with searching and restoring equilibrium between herself and the world.
We met with Nastya in a café in the Old Town. She appeared before us tall, slim, the regular features of her face without a touch of make-up and her language flawless and expressive (for Nastya is a professional journalist).
Simple and amiable in communication, she projects the inner sincerity of a person in harmony with herself.
Questions are many. As usual, I am focused on the “inner” details.
Nastya, could you share with us – were these global changes, this removal to a different country a spontaneous decision or did they have some background? How was it all going on?
Nastya: It was a sum-total of the factors which have been puzzle-like joining throughout 30 years of my life. I was born in a small Siberian town Barnaul which freezes at -35 in winter and which people like to make fun of, saying that bears can be met in Barnaul streets. J My whole life was predestined: I studied hard at school, received an honors degree at institute, got married for love, and the environment was sure that I possessed all one might need for happiness: good breeding, education, job, trips abroad etc.
But as a matter of fact, hardly had I turned 25, I started to feel as though I were a granny; I saw that my life was fitting in a plain and predictable scheme, but that was why I was getting bored to death. My future perspectives were simple and logical: a promotion at work, an addition to the family, another car… but it only cast me into a stronger melancholy. I felt a desire to live my life to the fullest, the life that I myself want it to be.
The story of my husband is different. He has been in tourist business for 15 years already and was seeking new ways of development, forecasting the prospects.
Thus, when my personal and his professional goals resonated, there occurred a totally spontaneous journey to Georgia instead of a preplanned trip to Emirates.
When I came back, I was a different person. There was a grand change in my way of thinking. I started to ask myself questions: what was I doing there in Siberia? How have I got to live among the people who would smile so very seldom?
Do you think it was Georgia that influenced you that much or it just came time for changes?
Nastya: Frankly speaking, I didn’t expect such emotions from myself. They would have been understandable if Georgia had been the first country I visited. But it was already 31st in my practice.
In fact, I usually return from my trips satisfied: I enjoy everything and few things can irk me, I actually belong to the category of trouble-free travellers.
But Georgia really has done something to my soul. And it happened that exactly when this country overthrew my conscience, my husband found there prospects for the tourist business.
How long did it take you to make up your mind to move?
Nastya: We spent half a year thinking whether we were ready to part with the native land and whether we would manage to set up a business in Georgia, to rent a flat and make ourselves as comfortable as we were used to being. All that time we spent in preparations: I studied the social part, and my husband – the commercial one. A couple of times he arrived here, in Georgia, and settled problems on the spot. After half a year we left everything and moved. And now it is clear to me: had we made up our minds only a few months later, we would have come to Georgia with an absolutely different capital, having lost several tourist seasons, etc. I believe that it all coincidently occurred at the only right time. Such a nonrandom randomness!
Nastya, I often observe it and know from my own experience as well, that as soon as you realize that there is no turning back and changes are vitally important, the initial burst of energy and decisiveness turns into a gust of fear. Often groundless, unshaped, it becomes the primary obstacle on the consciously chosen way. Did you come to grips with it?
Nastya:Lena, to tell the truth, I still have those fears. Sometimes I feel deadly frightened. Before the removal, still living in Barnaul, now and then I would wake up in fear. I was on the point of returning the ticket when I was to fly to Tbilisi to the husband waiting for me. I thought I would never do it. It is such a bodily fear to lose touch with the common and the familiar, with the place where you have been walking the same paths for 3 decades already. However, being here now, in the country where one will smile warmly to me, drop a couple of hearty words or a compliment, treat to homemade wine (it comes about here nearly every day), I understand that we have made the only right decision indeed.
You say “fear”. But what opposes it? What is stronger than fear?
Nastya: I have thought a lot over this question: why move, why exactly to Georgia… And then I understood – it was security and personal freedom! I appreciate it that I can walk late at night here without fear for my own safety.
In my native country, people are very concerned and watchful, not necessarily because of the high crime rate. It is as if our people were constantly awaiting a dirty trick. This tension had been present in me since my childhood, even though I never got into trouble. And here, in Georgia, I have felt peaceful and secure since the very first days, and this feeling is amazing. Then, I said about freedom.
In my previous lifestyle, the routine was bounded by the working schedule which left me only several hours for rest. Here, I can afford planning a day by myself: I can get up at 9 or at 10; if some guests come, I show them the sights of Georgia, and if there are no guests, I work on my computer; in the evenings we wander about Tbilisi streets or drink Georgian wine… The feeling of inner freedom is getting even stronger in the course of time, but on the other hand, the old habit of worrying is still haunting me, worrying that it all might come to an end someday leaving us to pay for it. But I hope to get rid of this burden soon.
You have touched upon a very interesting topic! Whereas the common corporate and working life is directly managed by external control, people usually don’t think it necessary to substitute it with inner control when they set off for a free flight. Reluctant to do something today, one can put it off for tomorrow claiming that he is “a free person at last”, then for the day after tomorrow and finally put on ice. Nice pretexts are always at hand, laziness is gradually expanding – as a result, the absence of self-fulfillment one tried to escape is hanging over “the lord of his own life”. How one should control himself in the free-floating, so as not to give in to idleness and not to forget for the sake of what all those great changes have been made?
Nastya: Oh, we noticed the trick at once! After we had moved, we spent about a month travelling and relaxing, and then I realized the necessity of strong self-control. As my husband had been in business quite for long, he himself was responsible for his regime, and it helped us a lot. We work in the format of a home office, so we follow certain rules: we get up not later than at 9 am even on a weekend, and our dinner and supper time is strictly scheduled. Business functions are distributed as well: each of us does his own part of the job. You see, we have made a full working day for ourselves. It is also freedom – within the limits we both agreed to set.
Nastya, do you think you are “the lord of your life”? Do you feel that your occupation is exactly what you like and what resonates with you, that the present limits have been chosen sensibly by you and you still can expand them if necessary? Has this feeling come to you after such a serious and conscious decision?
Nastya: Frankly speaking, not yet. Now we are still following a “pilot scheme”: setting clear objectives, analyzing our prospects and profitability. The responsibility is high: we realize that there will be nobody but us to answer for our own faults. But the big difference for me is that the result depends on me exclusively, so I can analyze certain things and act even better in future. I used to be a “cog” in a large system, where too many elements influenced the outcome even if I spared no effort. Making decisions and bearing full responsibility – that’s what I have never experienced before. It is immensely scary, but fascinating as well. And when I have done a good job, I raise a glass of wine to it with a pleasure I have never had before.
I can understand you. Self-development begins only after you have left your comfort zone with all the things as familiar as ever. It is followed by fear and risk, and no one can guarantee you will manage it; no one is there to secure you, but the results give you the pleasure that nothing can equal.
And what has changed in your inner world? What beliefs of yours are no longer relevant, what values have had a shift? Has it occurred to you that one day you suddenly realize – all those things that used to mean so much to you, that even made you argue and resent do not make sense anymore?
Nastya: Oh, sure! I have become much simpler… The civil service, where I had been working before the removal, influenced me very much: I was a strict lady in a trouser suit, tough and sometimes irritable, despite the general positivity.
But since I took up tourism in Georgia, I have come to treat myself and my environment simpler, started to dress more casually and worry less about minor discomfort. All in all, I have begun to perceive life more happily. I have not a slightest wish to break bones for some beliefs. I don’t argue anymore either, as I have become more tolerable towards the viewpoints of others concerning fashion or politics.
I find it easier to accept the opponent’s view which differs from mine: the only thing that matters is that we are friends since childhood and we both like Saperavi. Life is so much simpler without conventions.
Nastya, after generalizing one can identify two approaches to life: the first one involves clear planning, pursuit of goals and often hard work on achieving them, overcoming resistance and obstacles. People of the second approach live their life as if it were a child’s play: ideas get born with them easily and naturally, circumstances and people get attracted to them as if on their own volition, every opportunity is faced by them gratefully and with pleasure, multiplying and bringing success. Which approach do you prefer? Has anything got different after such considerable changes in your life?
Nastya: Before the changes I had belonged rather to the people of the first category. I used to have my feet firm on the ground, setting goals and achieving them, building a career and planning ahead. But after the removal it all changed. I understood that life works in a completely different way. The main thing is, listen to your own heart and notice the non-random “coincidences” with warm gratitude!
The tourist company MyGeorgia established by Nastya and her husband organizes tours all over Georgia, targeted at Russian-speaking tourists. Their most frequent guests are tourists from Ukraine, Russia and Belarus.
Nonrandom randomness - one story of downshifting
Find out more about the company’s work on their website: http://mygeorgia.travel/
or on Facebook page https://www.facebook.com/MyGeorgiaTravel